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How to deal with my toddler’s tantrums

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Mother comforting daughter during tantrum.

Ever dread going to the grocery store or doctor's office with your toddler? You're not alone.

“Children have tantrums as a way to gain control, to get what they want,” says Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, the late renowned pediatrician. “All children go through this at least once, but it can actually be curbed quite well after that initial tantrum.”

Ann C. Stadtler, a nurse who worked with Dr. Brazelton, explains.

“The first time a toddler gets overpowered or doesn’t get their way, he may react by having a tantrum. Initially, he may not notice the reaction because he is overpowered, but then he does notice how his parent reacts. But as he learns to control his strong emotions, he can also control his tantrums. Children become very competent at regulating their tempers. They learn how, when and where they are able to turn a tantrum on and off,” Stadtler says.

Once you understand what might set off your child, you can better respond the next time tempers flare.

“If the child is having a tantrum in the grocery store, for example, use a positive model to calm him down," Dr. Brazelton says. "Hug him and say, ‘I know it’s so hard to come here and not want to take home candy,’ or cookies or whatever it is he’s crying for. Calm him down that way. And he’ll likely stop crying and think about it, and talk it out a bit.”

SOURCES:

• Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, founder, Brazelton Touchpoints Center
• Ann C. Stadtler, founding faculty member, Brazelton Touchpoints Center

 

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